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Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.