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All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
We get it poets: things are like other things
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.