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New day, same old bullsh!t
I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.