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Before the internet I used to like people.
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
Insert coin to view my status message.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
I hope to get to the point in my life where Iām not excited about finding change on the ground.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account