Daily Silly Status

Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.

Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.

When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."

Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.

How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?

My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.

It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious

A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."

Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.

So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...

You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...

I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.

If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.

I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.

Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/