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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.