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I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know