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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!