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Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.