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I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.