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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..