Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.