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French people give me the crepes.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.