Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.