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A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
Bacon...need I say more
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.