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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.