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Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.