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Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.