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More food should come with prizes inside it.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.