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When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.