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Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.