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I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Siri, where are my pants?
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`