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Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....