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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
only fights if pillows are present.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.