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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.