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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.