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A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`