Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.