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I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
TEIAM - problem solved
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!