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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.