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My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.