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If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!