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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.