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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.