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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.