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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.