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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.