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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.