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Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
A wise man, will often say nothing
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.