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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
My life coach just benched me.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional