Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.