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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.