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Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
You had me at 0 mutual friends
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.