Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?