Daily Silly Status

I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.

I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces

I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long

My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!

Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.

DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing

I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.

After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.

I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!

I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.

There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.

I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...

Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times

Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.