Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
I self medicate, therefore you live.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?