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It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.