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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.