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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.