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Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.