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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.