Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I`m always like, "I love you," and they`re like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?