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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?