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Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"