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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.