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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
why me is me ?
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.