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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.
I was born to be happy… not normal.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape