Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.