Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A wise man once said nothing.
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.